Post-Evangelical Easter Reflection

These are some of my reflections, as a post-Evangelical-possibly-heretical-possibly-not-Christian, about Easter. I wrote this in my journal in the sunshine today and, wanting it to have a home, I (pardon the pun) resurrected this blog. 

Reading time: 8 minutes

My Evangelically-Shaped Easter

I used to view Easter as a day (/weekend / week) to observe the historical moment in time where my inevitable, innumerable sins were paid for by a perfect God-man.  This gift, of God paying the price of my sins, was graciously offered to me and to everyone else in the entire world, past and present. (Or was it just present and future? I forget). Given that I’d already accepted God's gift of Eternal life--I did this as a young child, like most of the children in my church community--I knew I was saved from eternal damnation (aka hell. The eternal burn.)  

Because this was my worldview, Easter was, for the earliest years of my life,  both a joyous occasion to rejoice in my promised salvation but also a pressing reminder that many of my (unchurched) friends were still on the path to end up in hell when they died. (Because, you know…they hadn’t accepted the gift that Jesus offered them.)

I did what any loving evangelical convinced by this truth would do: I prayed fervently for God to work in their hearts so that they, too, might come to know the joy of eternal life in Christ. I prayed that they might one day be able to join me and the rest of the church congregation when we proclaimed “He is risen indeed!"

(NB: Some of you, reading my claim of wanting other friends to “know the joy” along my parallel statements about burning in hellfire might think I’m being facetious. But I promise: I am not. I really did feel such a deep joy on account of my Christian faith, and I longed for others I loved to feel it too. I have a lot of compassion for the version of myself who saw the world in this way; I know I felt a lot of love for others—in the way that I knew how to. So if you’re feeling like rolling your eyes or shaking your fists at any Christians you know who currently conceptualize life in these ways, I invite you to try to first remember that they are seeing the world in a different way than you are; and probably their hearts are filled to the brim with love for you—in the way that they know how. Anyway, I digress.)

 

So that was Easter for me. For about 20 years or so. A mix of joy and fear. Both feelings were immense. 

(Now, it’s worth noting that not all Christians interpret Easter in the way that I did. Easter was not (/is not) a reminder about salvation vs. damnation for the many Christians who do not believe in a literal hell from which our sinful selves need to be saved via a payment of a perfect being. I don’t know quite enough about other Christian modes of interpreting Easter to summarize them here, but I know they are plentiful and I don’t want to paint them all with the same brush. There are huge variations within the religion we call Christianity.

But this sin-ridden, hell-bound humans + loving, debt-paying Saviour was the Christianity that I grew up in and, thus, this was Easter for me. It was a striking reminder about eternity, and a time to rejoice that you’ve been saved while also fret for those who aren’t.)

Given that this particular mode of interpreting Easter was so dominant in my psyche for so many years, I am not altogether surprised that I eventually veered away from that view. I do, however, personally find it VERY strange and unexpected that, this year, I find myself acutely (re)drawn to celebrate Easter. But here I am. 

Post-Evangelical Explorations of Religion/Spirituality 

For those of you who do not know, I have spent the last decade or so exploring religious and spiritual views that extend far beyond the lens that the church I grew up in taught me to see the world through. In these last ~10 years, I have identified as an atheist, an agnostic, an ignostic, a Jew, a Buddhist, a Christian, a bhakt, “Spiritual But Not Religious”, “Religious But Not Spiritual”, and “Other” ….depending on who was asking me the question and how much time I had for my answer. 

A lot of my discomfort with identifying (solely) as a Christian now is due to the fact that the type of Christianity that I once (strongly and happily!) identified with is now very far from being a comfortable fit for me.  If I were to try to wear my earlier Christianity like a sweater, it would feel itchy, scratchy. It barely fits over my head. And yet... 

I love so many of the teachings of Christ. Indeed, I cannot help but think that if he looked me in the eyes and said “follow me” then I would pack my bag (—wait, I forget: am I allowed to take the time to pack a bag? It’s been awhile since I’ve read that biblical passage in Matthew…) and run after him. I would want to follow him, and be in his presence.  Sit at his feet; absorb his teachings. (At least for a little bit? Wouldn’t you? Who would not want to be in the presence of such a teacher!?!?!) So, given that I long to follow Christ... am I a Christian? Who gets to decide if I “count” as one? Does the fact that the Christianity I was born-and-raised with is no longer the Christianity I wish to embrace mean that I must forfeit the identity once and for all? 

I honestly do not know. *shrugs*

(One of the reasons I often, self-protectively, remind people that I am not a theologian (I am, rather, a cultural anthropologist who studies religion) is that a theologian would probably be required to have an answer for that question of whether or not I "count" as a Christian. I quite like that I am allowed to shrug my anthropological shoulders at it. A theologian would know a lot more about the history of Christian doctrinal norms over the years, and they would be able to say “yes or no” to my questions about whether believing X, Y, or Z about Jesus is enough to let me pass as a Christian.  

I'm *not* a theologian, but I vaguely remember reading something by the Christian theologian Roger Haight in the delightful book Jesus and Buddha: Friends in Conversation where he asserted that there are a few “bottom line” doctrinal points that Christians have to believe in in order to be a Christian. One of these doctrines was about belief in resurrection. If that's correct, then even if I’m able to INTERPRET resurrection as having a different purpose than paying my sin-debt, I suppose I do struggle to believe that someone was medically dead for three days and then returned to life. So maybe I’m eternally-outcast on the Christian identity bit, I’m not sure. Go ask a theologian!)

Returning to Easter

But here’s the thought that has kept circling around in my mind leading up to, and during, this Easter weekend: I care about Easter. After a multi-year hiatus from caring at all about it--or really any religious holy day--it is beginning to feel meaningful for me once again. So, I've wondered: why am I leaning back towards it? What’s the substance of my inklings? (Some Christians might say that God is calling me back to him. I suppose that's a possibility.) But, at this point in time, I'm more interested in what is going on in my heart/mind/soul/body. What rises up in me? If Easter is giving me an emotional response, what are these emotions? (FYI, I'm trying to get better at knowing and naming my emotions. It's something that Marc Brackett speaks very wisely about.) There is no tangible sense of joy, nor fear, that I have been able to locate and yet there is a deep sense of meaning, respect, and awe. 

I’ve been trying to narrow in on what I find meaningful about Easter. Is it akin to nostalgia? Or, levelling-up, is it like the Portuguese saudade , e.g. the deep emotionally-entrenched longing for the familiar? Or is it that I want to be able to punctuate my annual calendar with spiritually-meaningful moments, and the global take-over of Christianity has made it quite convenient to align myself with Christian holidays? After all, I’m not sure about you, but my Good Friday day-off-work was, indeed, quite good!

It might be some of those things. 

But I think it is also the story of Easter itself that I find meaningful and compelling: it’s a story about a loving, wise teacher who inspired many and challenged more. Who chose non-violence when faced with violence. Who suffered, brutally, in
the midst of it all—who felt abandonment/betrayal from God himself [...herself.../Itself..?]—and who still persevered. And who, the story goes, managed to overturn the very notion of death itself through resurrection. It's a story about the act of death itself being somehow able to defeat death...in other words, it's a story about how all things eventually turn back to life. 

Photo by Nika Kuchuk

Resurrection is Everywhere

This sense---that all things eventually turn back to life---feels overwhelmingly true the more I experience and reflect on life. As the snow melts around me and the energies of springtime begin to flow—in the budding leaves, in the soaring and singing birds, in the rippling water…and, I hasten to admit, in the smelly dog-shit and bits of trash that are being more and more revealed in my neighbour’s backyard—I cannot help but feel that a story about the way that everything leads back again to life, is a story worth celebrating. Resurrection tales are not unique to Christianity and Jesus, but the details of the Jesus/Christian story are a uniquely-formed invitation to reflect on the ways that death and life intertwine and, indeed, get mixed up with each other. I for one find the story quite awe-inspiring. 

I’m a little fuzzy over whether it’s rude or even inappropriate for me to summarize the Easter story in this way without paying attention to either historicity or theological accuracy. But I love the story. It feels hopeful—if a little heretical. 

Earth Overshoot Day

Reading time: 6 minutes
Key words: Climate change, environmental awareness, sustainability, ecological impact, global footprint

Today's blog is written by guest blogger Kaitlin Carlson.

Earth Overshoot Day

On August 1 2018, we, the collective citizens of Earth, had used up all of the ecological resources the planet could generate for us this year. Earth Overshoot Day passed without most of us (including myself) even knowing about it, and we continued on with business as usual - generating waste (the average Canadian generates 2.3kg of waste per DAY) and explicitly or implicitly contributing to other activities which simply aren’t sustainable.

Let me begin by providing some background on what Earth Overshoot Day really represents. It’s a metric calculated by the GlobalFootprint Network to give us an idea of how our consumption compares to earth’s production capacity using the following formula [1]:

Planet’s Biocapacity ÷ Humanity’s Ecological Footprint x 365 days = Earth Overshoot Day

Both biocapacity and ecological footprint are measured in terms of area (hectares). Biocapacity refers to the area of land and sea that is biologically productive and includes forests, grazing and crop lands, fishing grounds, and built-up land. Ecological footprint is a measure of the population’s demand for plant and animal-based food products, timber/forest products, space used for infrastructure, and forest area to offset carbon dioxide emissions (mainly from fossil fuel consumption).

In a sustainable world, Earth Overshoot Day would not exist - or at least it wouldn’t occur until December 31 of any given year. But, in the last five decades, we have consistently been hitting Earth Overshoot Day well before the end of the year. Here’s how Earth Overshoot Day has been trending since the 1970s [2].

Looks like we’ve been over-consuming for some time, and 2018 was our highest-consumption year yet - we maxed out our annual biocapacity with still five months left to go. This means that we would need 1.7 times the biocapacity of our earth just to break even. Since Earth currently does not import from other planets, this is troublesome.

There is no planet B (at least for now)! [3]

Earth Overshoot Day should give us cause for concern, and hopefully make us take action to make some serious changes. Beware though; there are well-founded criticisms of the use of Earth Overshoot Day as an indicator of our impact on the planet. The main criticism is that the calculation isn’t overly scientific. It turns out that each land use type included in the calculation is nearly balanced in biocapacity and ecological footprint except for carbon dioxide emissions [4]. What this means is that when the Earth Overshoot Day calculation tells us that we’ve consumed a year’s worth resources by August 1, it isn’t technically accurate. Rather, we've actually consumed a year’s worth of carbon, but we still have a surplus of the other resources to work with for the remainder of the year [5]. (If you want to calculate your individual carbon footprint, you might find this guide  interesting.)

On the surface this point might seem like a good thing; maybe our food production, deforestation, and construction is sustainable? (…That intuitively doesn’t seem right, does it?) The alternative solution is that the use of area (hectares) as a measurement of biocapacity or footprint must be an oversimplification. Critics argue that such a simple measure of our impact on the planet cannot capture the real consequences [6].

But, even if we accept it to be an oversimplification, Earth Overshoot Day is still a call to action that captures the attention of the public at large in terms all people can understand: we’re depleting the earth’s resources at an alarming rate. The Global Footprint Network’s #MovetheDate campaign puts the power in our hands to lessen our ecological debt to the earth. Let's see if we can collectively make changes in order to #movethedate for 2019! Calculate your ecological footprint and get ideas of how you can help move next year’s date by using this footprint tracker.

References

[1] Global Footprint Network, "Earth Overshoot Day," Global Footprint Network, 2018. [Online]. Available: https://www.overshootday.org/newsroom/past-earth-overshoot-days/. [Accessed 08 October 2018].

[2] mw238, "flickr," 29 November 2015. [Online]. Available: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mw238/23400563466/. [Accessed 17 October 2018].

[3] R. B. Richardson, "Earth Overshoot Day May Seriously Underestimate Humanity's Ecological Footprint," ScienceAlert, 30 July 2018. [Online]. Available: https://www.sciencealert.com/earth-overshoot-day-may-seriously-underestimate-humanity-s-ecological-footprint. [Accessed 17 October 2018].

[4] B. W. Brook, E. C. Ellis, P. M. Kareiva, T. Nordhaus and M. Shellenberger, "Does the Shoe Fit? Real versus Imagined Ecological Footprints," PLOS Biology, 5 November 2013. [Online]. Available: https://journals.plos.org/plosbiology/article?id=10.1371/journal.pbio.1001700. [Accessed 17 October 2018]. 

[5] F. Pearce, "Admit it: we can’t measure our ecological footprint," New Scientist Ltd., 20 November 2013. [Online]. Available: https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg22029445-000-admit-it-we-cant-measure-our-ecological-footprint/. [Accessed 17 October 2018].

Lost and Found

A significant part of my time in India this year has been focused on the beautiful but chaotic process of ever-learning more about myself and the world around me. I’ve been prompted, pushed, pulled, and sometimes dragged into experiences, events, and conversations which make me question what I value most in life and whether I am acting in a way that corresponds with my values. 

What is that I hold onto? What is it that I think is important? Do I spend my time in a way that shows that? In what way do I want to engage with the world? (Am I doing that?) How do my actions and beliefs impact other beings around me? Am I happy? Do I feel loved by others? Am I loving others? Am I loving myself?  

I feel that these are important questions—and I ask them, in one way or another, almost every day. As such, time and time again, I find myself in need of the reminder that all of this is a process. For better or for worse, we are people who are caught in change and motion rather than grounded in constancy. 

(This is felt rather poignantly when travelling to new cities almost every week, but there are other ways of noting this in our lives even when we seem to stay still…we are always changing.) I’m trying to become more comfortable with uncertainty, and also with the seeming-dichotomy of knowing something (“holding onto something”) and being open to new ways-of-knowing/being.

My desire to try out new things and be okay with change, uncertainty, and imperfection has manifested in a rather practical way for me this year, where I have dedicated some time to a new project: shooting and editing videos which tell stories which I believe to be important and interesting. You can stay tuned for the release of some of those in the near future...

Sometimes we lose ourselves to find ourselves; and sometimes those two actions seem to be indistinguishable from each other.

I’m pretty sure that’s why I wrote this song, Lost and Found. (I picked up a guitar the other day and the melody and the lyrics came out within about 4 minutes.) I suppose these thoughts have been percolating for some time now… You can listen to it on my soundcloud here or just read the lyrics below.

~

I found myself at the sea.
I found myself by the water.
I found myself as I lost all the thoughts
that I thought I had to hold onto.

I lost myself at the sea.
I lost myself by the ocean.
I lost myself as I found all the thoughts
that I thought I’d learned to let go of.

I’m still holding, I’m still losing, I’m still finding.
And searching and praying and cursing and letting go. 

Why 2016 Wasn't The #WorstYearEver

2016 was difficult but it was also good. Some shitty, horrible, heart-breaking things happened but it was not the infamous "#worstyearever." 

I've learned a lot about myself as an individual (and a small amount about executing self-care), a lot about what it means to exist relationally/ with intentionality, and a lot about what I value in myself and others, who I want to surround myself with, and who I want to strive to become.

I think our broader communities and societies have learned a lot about what it means to fight for justice, to give voice to the oppressed and to show our support, to protect what is sacred, to stand up against what we believe to be wrong, to amplify love in the midst of hate, to choose to live vulnerably and to admit our brokenness to each other even when it’s tempting to appear like we’re self-sufficient and totally fine, to act selflessly and care for those who are in need, to persevere when things look rough, and to find ways to make positive changes even when they are small and may seem insignificant. This year had bad things (all years do) but it also had loads of good come from it. And I think history has shown that times of significant difficulty open us up to being more loving than we were before; we are often not challenged to step up when we are in our comfort zone. A ‘the stars shine best in the darkness’ sort of thing. 

So, yes, I am welcoming 2017 with open arms: the liminal space offered by the change of calendar years provides us with a sort of clean slate, and with new energy. We can use this to become better versions of ourselves and to work together to create better (move loving, more inclusive, less selfish) communities. But I’m not running away from 2016 as if I want nothing to do with it, or as if I want to pretend it didn’t leave a mark on me. It did. It has shaped me. It was not always sunshine and rainbows, and yet I have reason to smile. (Wouldn't you say the same?)

Least I seem overly-optimistic, let me reveal my stoic/realist-tendencies via this photo.

Also: not totally related, but I am really appreciating this excerpt from Seneca's letters. 

Let's not fear what we don't need to.

"There are more things, Lucilius, likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality. [...] What I advise you to do is, not to be unhappy before the crisis comes; since it may be that the dangers before which you paled as if they were threatening you, will never come upon you; they certainly have not yet come. Accordingly, some things torment us more than they ought; some torment us before they ought; and some torment us when they ought not to torment us at all. We are in the habit of exaggerating, or imagining, or anticipating, sorrow.

[...] Do me the favour, when men surround you and try to talk you into believing that you are unhappy, to consider not what you hear but what you yourself feel, and to take counsel with your feelings and question yourself independently, because you know your own affairs better than anyone else does.

[...] It is likely that some troubles will befall us; but it is not a present fact. How often has the unexpected happened! How often has the expected never come to pass!

[...]The mind at times fashions for itself false shapes of evil when there are no signs that point to any evil; it twists into the worst construction some word of doubtful meaning; or it fancies some personal grudge to be more serious than it really is[...]. But life is not worth living, and there is no limit to our sorrows, if we indulge our fears to the greatest possible extent[...]There is nothing so certain among these objects of fear that it is not more certain still that things we dread sink into nothing[...]."

Making Changes - for the environment, for others, and for me!

Over the last five years or so, with a big push in the last year, I have tried to reduce my waste and use natural, non-harmful products whenever possible. There are three broad reasons for why I’ve done this: the environment, animal rights, and my own personal health.

Let me expand…

1) For the ENVIRONMENT: On a global scale, human beings produce 2.6 trillion pounds of trash every year. That amount is unfathomable to me.  Studies from the world bank suggest that most of the waste is produced by countries that are “wealthier” (the OECD countries (34 in total) include the US, Canada, many European countries, and a number of other countries Canada, US, many Western European countries) produce more waste than countries that are considered less wealthy. Within any given country, these trends are replicated at a local level: upper-class individuals generally produce more waste than lower-class individuals.

(Note: ‘waste’ is anything that will end up in a landfill rather than being recycled/composted. This includes a heck of a lot of food packaging (and, unfortunately for many households, a lot of perfectly-compostable food), all your old electronics that don’t get recycled, and a number of other items).

2) For ANIMALS and 'animal rights': I realise that not everyone is in agreement on the degree of ‘rights’ that non-human animals ought to have.  (There’s an overview of the debate here) but I personally think it is crucial that we show more intentional respect and love for non-human beings. For me, this is based primarily on the grounds of compassion, but I think a lot of religious traditions actually ‘call’ their adherents to this. (Don’t get me started on the biblical grounds for this within a Christian context..! I've written about that here.)

3) For my own PERSONAL HEALTH: I want to live long and be healthy while I’m alive. I don’t want to put harmful chemicals in my body or on my skin. My own biggest shift has been in the food I eat and the cosmetics I use. As a result of beginning to make almost all my own cosmetics (see below) my bathroom could now be confused as a kitchen pantry; and I love it! A huge help in this regard has been recipes and tips by Wellness Mama. You can see her blog here

With these three motivators, I’ve tried to find creative, cost-effective ways to use natural products and limit the number of things I put into a trash bin. I’ve also tried to be kinder and more compassionate to other beings (humans and non-humans. Yes, this includes the creepy crawlies which make me squeamish.) 

Things I’m proud of having changed:
Maybe something on this list will inspire you to change something in your own life. None of these were that difficult of changes to make, and all were done while on a modest student budget.

- vegetarian since 2008

- I now make almost all of my own cosmetics out of all-natural ingredients, thereby eliminating the purchase of the following plastic-wrapped items: shampoo and conditioner, lotion, deodorant, toner, lip-balm, leg-wax (feel free to ask me for my recipes!)
- I started a compost bin in my back yard (shhhhh, don’t tell my college!) so to not throw compostables into the garbage
- buying about 90% of my clothing from second hand stores
- I tried my hand at making beeswax candles (taper candles and glass-jar candles)
- I now buy a substantial amount of my vegetables from an organic local veg farm
- I grow some of my own vegetables (kale, for the most part)
- 5+ years ago I switched from pads/tampons to the Diva Cup. I absolutely love it.
- VERY RARELY do I kill bugs when found in my house. I use the trap-and-release method.  Because if I were in someone’s house, I wouldn’t want to be squished.
- trying to slow down and enjoy the natural world a bit more. It may be selfish but it's certainly true that when I enjoy it, I care more about protecting and improving it.

Our earth is pretty fabulous.

Enjoying Earth

This is Two Years of Trash.
Photo taken from Trash is for Tosser's blog. Click here

But I’m still far from where I want to be in terms of making positive changes. There are so many people who inspire me to make even more changes. A recent inspiration has been the blog Trash is for Tossers who, over a full two-year period, Lauren (the author of Trash is for Tossers) can fit ALL of the trash she has produced into a small mason jar. That is incredible and inspirational!

Here are some of the things I still want to change. This list is far from exhaustive..

Things I still want to change:
- eliminate/reduce dairy from my diet for environmental purposes (or at least ensure my current cheese consumption…and yes my dairy intake is essentially just cheese…comes from ‘happy cows’)
- eliminate/reduce all foods that come in pre-wrapped plastic (my biggest vices include: bags of frozen berries; nuts/pasta/rice/lentils in that plastic wrap; chocolate bars; buying bulk veg & fruits from Asda online which automatically means they put the veg in plastic bags in order to weigh it; “bulk bags” at produce stores [3 peppers in one pre-made bag cost proportionately less than buying 3 single peppers, etc.]
- I’m a sucker for candles, and I suspect that the thin metal of tea-light candles is not enviro-friendly. I want to change that.  Especially seeing as I know how to make beeswax candles……hmmmm.
- participate in reducing the inadvertent waste of public edibles (i.e. go foraging for food more often!)
- all Tupperware as glass or metal + cloth bags
- I love trying new arts and crafts and having different projects on the go. I would like to try to make these as sustainable as possibly by using enviro-friendly materials. (Natural paints? On wood? Rather than i.e. acrylic on canvas)
- I buy a lot of things online and the shipping packaging is usually quite bad
- reduce air travel
- solar energy

TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT:

What are some things that you have changed that you are proud of?

What are some things that you still want to change?

What are some of your reasons for either of the above?