tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5253484312087434873.post2769887668768219660..comments2018-10-23T01:43:28.204-07:00Comments on Anything And Everything But Dissertation : Perfectionism, Vulnerability, and Reconsidering What It Means to Be StrongAAEBDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16019864198927885348noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5253484312087434873.post-84981610159036246972016-05-30T07:35:05.899-07:002016-05-30T07:35:05.899-07:00Thanks Aunt Sandra! I found your reflection really...Thanks Aunt Sandra! I found your reflection really interesting and thought-provoking; and, yes, we seem to share a lot of personality quirks haha :). Especially thought-provoking for me was your following comment: "Please don't let my generation determine your success. We are still defining success by how busy we are."<br /><br />It's so tempting to do that---to fill our time and try to be busy, to be well-read, to be successful, to get promoted, etc. But, in more introspective moments, I'm simply not convinced that that is the way to living a happy, meaningful life. We seem to be in agreement on this :).<br /><br />I have heard of one of the books you mentioned in your link; I'll try to look into them both in the coming weeks. Thanks for sharing!AAEBDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16019864198927885348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5253484312087434873.post-7208081561490396882016-05-30T07:31:33.365-07:002016-05-30T07:31:33.365-07:00Thanks Rebekah. I'm glad you found things with...Thanks Rebekah. I'm glad you found things within here that struck a chord with you, so to speak. It can be really difficult to be caught between feeling like we *shouldn't* 'be weak.' It's a confusing thing indeed.<br />I also agree with you that it is a very slippery and abstract concept. I like your definition of it as acceptance, awareness, and presence. It really does seem as if the recognition of who/where we are in this present moment is a significant first-step toward mental health and what Brene Brown calls "whole-hearted living." It's what I am trying to strive for; but pursuiing the other versions of 'strength' (success, productivity, output, busy-ness, etc.) can be so tempting to fall back into...!AAEBDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16019864198927885348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5253484312087434873.post-30672630556328149302016-05-29T14:40:55.789-07:002016-05-29T14:40:55.789-07:00[2 of 2]
Quite a few years ago I read a couple of ...[2 of 2]<br />Quite a few years ago I read a couple of articles in passing, waiting at the dentist's office or something. One was written to a woman who'd decided that she didn't want her gravestone to read "she accomplished a lot". It hit home, sort of, that is, it resonated somewhat but I sure didn't act on it. The other was one of those typical articles about stress, "how stressed are you?" and of course a little test to take. Well, I scored really high on that one - but still, felt, well, but they don't mean ME, that's not me, really. <br /><br />This fall I'm entering my 30th year of academic life, last spring was my 40th year as a professional musician, that is, 40 years without a waitress job. I'm going on a 2/3 load for the year AND am retiring after this year. I feel great about my decision and am completely ready to leave academia. There are things that I'll miss and things that I won't miss. There are a hell of a lot of rules in academia and they are well disguised when you first enter that life.<br /><br />I like that you are writing all this stuff instead of doing your dissertation; it bodes well for your emotional life, I think. You are so expressive and so willing to bare all. This is exactly one of the things that I'll miss about the university: the interaction with young people who think well and who are questioning things. Please don't let my generation determine your success. We are still defining success by how busy we are. "Oh, that means I must be important." I'm looking forward to a reply from anyone in their 60s to the question "how are you?" that is something like "I'm reading this great book and yesterday I spent the whole day in the hammock with it." Maybe that could be me! HA!<br /><br />Here are a couple of articles to read:<br /><br />http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/academics-plant-seeds-of-revolution-in-the-ivory-tower/article24472251/<br />http://www.universityaffairs.ca/features/feature-article/the-slow-professor/<br /><br />Maybe it will give you a different perspective on academia, I don't know.<br /><br />I loved reading your article. Keep them coming.<br />Lots of love, Aunt (or not) SandraAlexandra Pohran-Dawkinsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5253484312087434873.post-73375201926056783622016-05-29T14:40:17.415-07:002016-05-29T14:40:17.415-07:00[1 of 2] Dear sweet Nadya, I'm moved by your o...[1 of 2] Dear sweet Nadya, I'm moved by your openness, not to speak of the highly articulate delivery of your thoughts. Some of what you say about the perception of strength, about the illusion of control and about perseverance might have been written by me in my 20s, had I been as articulate and as comfortable being verbally expressive at that age as you clearly are. The thoughts and anxieties are very similar, the perfectionism, the perseverance, the DRIVE, the unwillingness to appear to be weak, the desire to be Somebody, etc. I've thought about this a lot over the years. <br /><br />Sure, much of it may come simply from the desire to do whatever it is we do - write, play music, paint, cook - well. But having to be the best is something else. There are people who are very comfortable being the "good enough" whatever, parent, academic, musician....wife, maybe - and then there are people like us. I think that's OK, particularly in youth, but I also have found that the need for perfection alters through different stages of life. Recognizing the alteration and embracing it is something that I've only recently become good at and I wish I'd been told earlier in life that "good enough" was a perfectly fine place to be. It is, and I hope you hear me.<br /><br />In my case I was told from a very young age that I was super smart, that I was very talented, that I was "gifted", blah, blah, even was enrolled in an Enrichment Program for some of my elementary school years. (I suspect you may have had a similar experience). Yeah, it created a lot of confidence and I'm grateful that it was recognized and that I was given the opportunity to shine, to be creative and to not be bored. The downside, which I've only realized in the past few years, is that I was expected to do VERY well in life. No pressure there, eh? So, I did well in life, lived up to the expectations and have had a great career, non-stop, lots of ideas that are listened to, lots great and important concerts I've played in, lots of leadership opportunities, a major and life-threatening illness - and I'm exhausted. (being elevated above the others was not exactly great for sibling relationships, either, it should be mentioned)<br />Alexandra Pohran-Dawkinsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5253484312087434873.post-5887861579871804382016-05-29T10:34:16.118-07:002016-05-29T10:34:16.118-07:00This post is so beautiful Nadya!!! I related to *s...This post is so beautiful Nadya!!! I related to *so* much of what you said! Pretty much all of what you said. Thank you so much for posting. That's definitely a topic I think about, too, and have actually really struggled with in the context of Christianity. I got so tired of the XTN narrative "men are strong, women are weak" ("women are the weaker vessels" etc), and I have been through so much in my life that I really do believe I'm a "strong" person. But then it started to feel like I was letting myself down whenever I had "weak" moments. It was very confusing and hard. It's still a process I'm working through, and such an important one! We can just assume we know what the word "strength" means and try to fit it into a concrete box/category, when in actuality it is such a slippery and rather abstract concept. In time, I've also come to think of strength in terms of acceptance, awareness, and presence :) Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14178179910726120848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5253484312087434873.post-22153332858391911402016-05-29T09:40:20.081-07:002016-05-29T09:40:20.081-07:00You only speak taking into account your thought an...You only speak taking into account your thought and feelings but not other people's feelings and thoughts. I find kind of abstract this strength you mention and this is actually relative (as many other concepts, even if you can find them in the dictionary). You do not relate your concept of strength with the state of mind. Milan Kundera establish that there are three types of people. It seems that you are in the first one and your actions are affected by what other people think (it doesn't matter if you know them or not) then you possibly permanent state of mind drives you to all this actions you mention and gives you this thing that you called strength. You barely touch fear and do not related much this strength with fear which maybe better focusing on other persons rather than you. That's are part of my thoughts. I like one thing you mention, unfortunately it's not the topic of this piece of writing ��Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07727301993885987239noreply@blogger.com